Happenings

My Morning After has begun.

I’m now entering a period in my life or time that feels like a morning after. A morning after a night out? A morning after a restless night? A morning after a bad dream? I’m not sure, it could be all. It could be none. But it does feel like I’ve been asleep for a long time and now I’m awake. Like I’ve been a passenger in my own life.

The move went well enough in December. Like any move, this was not without it’s hiccups. It wasn’t enought o derail me though.

I won’t lie, I was on holidays with my parents and siblings on the coast and I knew I had to come back to reality and move and I was getting pretty down on the whole thing. But I came back. I did the move. I packed up the stuff from the last chapter of my life and put the things in boxes and bags. Some I took with me, some I let go of and donated or even left behind. If I’m honest there are more things I can possibly let go of. I’ll get there.

I’ve gone out with the camera a few times and captured some shots that I’m really proud of. There are going to be more. I’ve made arrangements to take some shots at my local comic book store and try & capture what makes it a special place to so many people and what makes the good folks running the joint so utterly likeable. It also looks like I’ll be doing a portrait shoot soon as well. This one I’m a bit more nervous about as I’m still not overly confident with portraits. But I’m starting to have a clear vision for what I want to show and the story I want to tell, so we’ll see how it goes.

Beyond that I’ve had some wins that I’ve been working hard for.

I’ve hit my “target weight” and have now revised it even further down. I’ve now lost over 20kg in the past 12 months, I’m in the best shape i’ve been in for a long time and I’m going to keep going. Out of some frustration was born an opportunity and I took it - I bought a TREK Earl bike so I can get around more freely. I’m riding to work a lot now and want to keep that up.

There’s a lot to look forward to. I need to shake the foggy feeling I have these days and keep pushing forward. That’s what I mean by the morning after. I can look back and see what happened, some of it’s hazy, the way forward is a little hazy - but I know I’m awake now.

hawkstudios:

Done for tonight =)

hawkstudios:

hawkstudios:

Fotoshop by Adobé from Jesse Rosten on Vimeo.

BRILLIANT!

(Source: jesserosten.com)

It’s been a while since I posted but this seems like an appropriate time.

The separation & divorce continue to roll on under it’s own momentum. There are things I can control and things I can’t. One of those things is my living situation. I’ve maintained the living situation with my ex in the same house for some 8 or 9 months now. However this is a situtation that had to change.

There were numerous factors in making the change. The ex’s relationship with her boyfriend continues to develop and in some ways they aren’t free to be themselves and spend time at the shared house. I was steadfast in my refusal to allow him to be there. Also our lease was drawing to an end and so alternative arrangements needed to be made. We’re both starting to go in vastly different directions in our lives and this also required a more serious break from the familiar.

For me, I’m becomming more and more involved in photography and my time at home is being steadily reduced to watching NFL, doing laundry and working on photos and videos in post production. So I don’t need the space I once did. After spending two weeks on vacation in a motel room I learned something about myself. I can easily downsize. I can easily shed so much of the clutter I’ve accumulated over the years.

Finally, for my own peace of mind, my own wellbeing I needed to make the change. I had to go. Some things are simply too difficult to stay a part of. Some things are too hard o watch. So I moved out.

The move was not without it’s issues. There have been several bumps along the road - gas connection was a drama, still no phone & internet, a clumsy delivery man and so on. But these are all challenges I’m actually enjoying. It’s nice to worry about a small immediate problem and not a larger simmering one.

There is a period of adjsutment now as I learn to live on my own again. It’s not managing the accounts or services or anything like that. It’s learning how to be comfortable on my own again - not having to rely on others for stimulation. I’m already a bit more social, I’m planning more trips with the camera, I’m walking to places instead of driving or deferring travel.

It takes time to adjust and I’m sure I will. I once lived alone with out a care in the world and I’m going to have to rediscover how that worked.